Did you ever find yourself wanting to write about something that happened to you, but you struggled with putting it on the paper? A real-life traumatic event that scarred you forever and maybe changed your life? Were the emotions and content more vibrant than what was in your thoughts? I have.
I have a story inside me that needs to come out, but I am struggling with getting everything on paper. I don’t know if it is fear that is my barricade or trying to explain the feelings enough to paint a picture for the reader. This story would be a healing step that I really, really need and want to take, but the fear and rehashing of the memory are actually quite terrifying; yes, even after all these years.
I sit down to start writing and just don’t know where to start. Do I use fake names or real names and just say they are fake? Do I want to relive and repeat these memories again and again in my head? The “what-ifs” are fighting a battle inside me that neither side is currently winning. I try very diligently to focus on why I need to write this story and it helps a little, but then once I get certain scenes on the paper and reread my words; my chest tightens and my head hurts, then here come the tears.
Is reliving something terrible that happened in your past really worth putting it on paper for the world to read? Would I then become “just another statistic”?
These thoughts keep preventing me from this story, but I really feel deep down inside that it has to come out, it must come out for my own sanity. The healing may ultimately require that I document my past to make my future stronger and healthier.
Have you ever struggled like this? What helped you overcome your barriers?
~T
